One year. 

That's exactly how much time has passed since the second best day of my life. The first, being the day Baby N was born. Is it wrong that May 2nd, 2011 trumps our wedding day on October 14th, 2006? I think Jamie probably feels the same way.

I've been asked bunches and bunches of times what Nya's name means. Apparently if you google it, it means, "Purpose", or "To give Purpose". That fits nicely, but that's not where we got it, or why we chose it. I've told the whole story to my family and a few friends, and I originally told Jamie, "I don't WANT other people to know her "name story"...it's too special! And it is. But now that a year has gone by since the Day Happiness Started, I think I can be less emotional and actually talk about it (or rather, type about it!) without tears. Well, probably not, but hey, a few tears never hurt anyone! So here goes. 


*** Word to the wise...if you'd rather not know any details about my ovaries, probably stop reading now...

Late April 2009, we decided to start "not NOT trying" for a baby. You know, when you want to start "trying", but you don't want to officially SAY you're trying, because you don't want to jinx it? Yah...that was us. About 10 months went by, and nothing. This was around the time that I turned from "normal wife", into "crazy wife". I had rules...I had charts...you've heard of Bridezilla? I was Ovulationzilla (yah...it's a thing!). This went on for about 10 MORE months. This brings us to December 2010, when we finally decided to see a doctor. At that point, we had decided to request that our next transfer with Jamie's job be to an isolated community in Northern Labrador (where we currently live!), so I was felt like if we needed help (and it appeared that we did!) we needed it RIGHT then, because very soon we'd be moving to Nain. And in Nain, there isn't even a general practitioner...much less a doctor specializing in fertility treatments! We got a referral, and made an appointment to see a specialist in early April of 2011, about 3 months before our big move to the North. 

Up until this point, there was not a whole lot I could focus on other than babies. Jamie was fantastic through the whole thing, but men simply don't experience infertility the way women do. I can remember sitting in our car the parking lot of Swiss Chalet in St. John's (not sure why I remember that little detail, but I do!) crying my eyes out, and saying, "If you tell me to 'just relax; don't stress!' ONE more time...!!!" 
If you don't know my husband, then I have to tell you: he's my opposite. Where I'm stressed, he's calm; where my feelings and emotions are always made well known, he can very easily keep a relaxed demeanor. I cry over Tim Horton's commercials and country songs; I've seen HIM cry exactly ONCE in the 8 years since we met, started dating, and were married. During the "Dark Days" of trying to make a baby, as I so fondly refer to them, when I would be sitting on the couch in my sweatpants and a bucket of ice cream and tears, Jamie was just say, "Bub, it's going to happen in it's own time."


My response was usually to throw something at him (but not my ice cream...that just would've been wasteful).

Point being, if you've been in this situation for ANY amount of time, you know the feeling of having a total one-track-mind. So, when I would pray (and my, was there a LOT of praying!) it was to be pregnant. THAT month. None of this, "Your Will be done" business...I wanted a baby, and I wanted one NOW, and I didn't see why I shouldn't be pregnant that very month. 
I think with infertility, whether it's a struggle for two years or for ten, there's usually a Part That Sucks The Most. And I think it's different for everyone. Maybe it's TV commercials about pregnancy, or being invited to another baby shower that isn't your own. This never bothered me...I never felt anything but genuine happiness for my preggo friends...I was just also very anxious for the day when it would be me. For me, the Part That Sucks The Most was this: Waiting, every month, for "Day 1" (if you've never tracked your cycle, Day 1 is when you get your period, or, if you're trying to get pregnant, the day you WOULD'VE started your period). The day when either your hopes crash and burn for another month, OR (hopefully!), the day when you finally achieve two little red lines instead of one. At least...this is how it should work in theory. Instead, here's how the majority of my months would go: 

      Day 1: No period by 10am...pee on a stick. Negative. Pee on another stick at 4pm, because that one was probably defective. I think I was holding it wrong. Negative again.

                  Don't sleep all night.

      Day 2: Still nothing. Buy more pregnancy tests. Convince myself I feel a little nauseous (which was probably caused by not sleeping all night). Take two more pregnancy tests, at the    same time. Drive to a friends house, to see if she can see a second line on one of them, or if it's just my eyes playing tricks on me. Have her reassure me that no, it's just my eyes playing tricks on me.

      Day 3: Consider calling the clinic to have bloodwork done, because I'm SURE this is the month, and ALL the pregnancy tests I bought seem to be defective. Remember how I usually black out when I have blood taken, and chicken out. 


      FYI: Regardless of how many times you take a pregnancy test, and how many times it's negative, you will still WITHOUT FAIL feels like like little window is actually showing you THIS:
                                                                                                                   It IS ok to give it the finger back.


Typically, this would go on and on until about Day 7 or 8, when all my excitement and hopes would crash down faster than you can say, "Midol", and I would pull on my well-worn sweats, schlep out to the couch, and let Jamie know that "I Wasn't"...usually by burying my face in the couch cushions and mumbling, threw sobs, something akin to "Stupid, worthless ovaries". And he would kiss my forehead, and go get me the ice cream.

So, THIS was The Part That Sucks The Most, and the part that I DID NOT UNDERSTAND. What I DID understand, despite my anxiousness and tears and anger? 
I knew I would get pregnant exactly when I supposed to. 
I knew that God's timing was not my own. 
I knew that good would come of that time of waiting. 

What I DIDN'T understand? I didn't understand what good could possibly come of me getting my hopes up, every month, for those few days, only to have them dashed again and again. That part made absolutely no sense to me, no matter what way I looked at it. So that month, I had a new prayer. I stopped praying to be pregnant, and I started praying for "an answer". An answer, pregnant or not pregnant, on DAY ONE...not seven or eight days later. And there were days when I was so frustrated that those two words were the only ones I could get our in prayer. An Answer.
This is what I prayed, night and day, for the entire month of April. 

Around the first of April, we had met with our fertility specialist, and since all our previous tests had come back pretty normal, I was scheduled to go in mid-May for a Dye test. If you've had a Dye test, then you know that they're about as much fun as sticking your face into a vat of burning grease. I had a few friends who had had them done, and one friend actually described it as more painful (though much shorter!) than labor contractions. So obviously, I was very much looking forward to this. But on a serious note, I WAS anxiously awaiting it...in a way (and this might sound awful) I almost wanted them to find someone wrong: something small, something fixable. I wanted someone to point at something in my life or body and say, "THERE! That's what's preventing them from making a baby! Let's fix it!" 
Because I had tried everything that I could do in my own power. I had looked into acupuncture, relaxation therapies, herbal supplements, just to name a few. 
Want me to give up coffee? I'll give up Pepsi, too. 
Oh, I should try cutting out all meats? NO problem. 
You want me to try standing on my head and chanting ancient fertility prayers? I'M ON IT.
If even ONE blog mentioned it, I was ready to try it. And now I had reached the end of things that I, personally, could do...and to be honest, it was a relief to know that someone else was going to take the reins. 

Little did I know, I had never even HAD the reins. 

May 1st was Day 1. It loomed in my mind, and I wanted it to take a long time to arrive. I needed a few more days to prepare myself, emotionally, before my monthly roller coaster ride. 

May 1st came and went, no period. I went to church. I went to the home of two of my lovely friends, for a photo session of them are their two adorable Bambinos. I tried not to think about babies. I didn't take a pregnancy test. 

May 2nd was a Monday. Jamie was on a day-shift, at the detachment right next door to our house. A little before lunch, I was having a coffee (having decided that when I finally got pregnant, it would probably NOT be because I was being rewarded for my lack of caffeine intake...) and reading my bible, and I remember that the Ellen show was on TV on mute, because I remember looking up and thinking that I liked the dress one of her guests was wearing  I was reading in James, and was growing a giant ball of frustration inside of me, because IT WAS DAY TWO. Day 2, and no period. No ANSWER. And I got mad. I hadn't prayed to be pregnant that month...all I had asked God for, was not to have those in-between days, of trying not to hope, but secretly hoping. I was mad that it was happening again. I was mad that it was Day 2, and not only was He not giving me a Baby, He wasn't even giving me my Answer.

And then I came to this verse, and Ellen and my coffee and the pretty dress and everything else in the room all disappeared from my mind.

" But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord". (James 1:6-7)

I've never understood that term, "It felt like the air was sucked out of the room". But that was literally how this felt. Because I realized. It was DAY TWO. I had prayed for An Answer on DAY ONE. He had given me that Answer, and I was too expectant of disappointment to see it. I asked, but I didn't believe. 

And that was literally all it took. I remember setting my Bible and coffee on the end table, and saying aloud, "I'm pregnant..."
And then I got in my car (in my sweatpants...) and drove to the pharmacy there on Bell Island, and bought a test, and drove back home. 

To be honest...I didn't need the test. Looking back, EVERY other time I had taken a pregnancy test (Ooooooo and there were many!), I just knew. I knew it wouldn't be positive. Even when I would strain my eyes to see a second line, or a plus signed, or that darned little smiley face (seriously, can we imprison whoever invented THAT little gem?!), I still knew I wouldn't see it. But THIS time...it was so, SO different. I remember peeing on the little white stick, and glancing at it after about 30 seconds, and only seeing one line, but thinking, "That's ok, it'll show up in a minute. Or maybe it's too soon for a test." And I was so calm. That's not like me. But the calmness fled immediately when I looked at the test again after about 90 seconds. 

Two. TWO! 

Then I think I started crying. 

I've always imagined how I'd tell Jamie we were pregnant: Maybe a romantic candlelight dinner, where I'd give him a wrapped gift, and it would be a pair of little baby booties (or something equally cute), and then he'd look at me with his surprised-but-so-happy face and we'd both cry and then maybe he'd kiss my belly. 

Instead, it went something like this: 

I ran up and down the hall about five times, and then into the living room to find a phone, and had to try dialing Jamie's work number THREE TIMES because my hands were shaking so badly, and when I finally managed to press the right buttons and he picked up, I yelled something like, "AAAHHHHHH I PEEEEED!!!!AND IT SAID YEEEEEEEESSSS AHHHHHHHHHHH". And he said, "Ummm....what? I'm coming home." So then he came in the door about 60 second later, and I was shaking and crying and repeated my eloquent speech I gave him on the phone, and he said, "SHOW ME THE TEST!!!". And I looked down at my hands...and I was only holding the phone. And I looked in the bathroom, and it wasn't there. And I looked in our bedroom, and the kitchen, and the living room, and I could. Not. FIND IT. 

So at this point, Jamie probably thought I was doing a really dramatic, really mean, really LATE April Fool's Day prank on him, and I thought I was losing my mind. I finally retraced my erratic steps and found it, right where I left it...in the cordless-phone charger. Riiiight.

I handed him the test, which he looked at and, in astounding wisdom, said:

"Oh, I don't know Bub...don't the two lines have to be the same color?" (one was a little darker than the other). 
Me: "Um, no. A line is a line. ANY line means pregnant."
Jamie: "Well where does it say that?"
Me: "Are you aware of how many of these I've taken in the past two years? Trust me when I say I KNOW HOW IT WORKS!!!"

I think I only then realized that I wasn't the only one sick and tired of getting my hopes up, and having it end in disappointment. And this time, it wouldn't. 


So. The original point of my story. How we found chose Nya's name.

Exactly 24 hours after the two red lines appeared, I was on the internet looking Baby Names (because I'm nothing, if not someone who jumps the gun). I found one website that listed names for both boys and girls alphabetically, and if you scrolled to the far right it gave the origin of the name, and it's meaning. I was throwing names out left and right, and Jamie's responses went something like this: 

"I hate it"
"I hate it"
"Sure, if our baby was a dog"
"I hate it"
"Is it for a boy or girl?...nevermind, I hate it for both"
"That's not a name; that's just a sound"

Easy to please, that husband of mine!

As I scrolled down through the "A" names, I saw the name "Anaya" (pronounced "A-nEYE-ah". I said it to myself a couple times, and then asked Jamie if he liked it. He though for a minute, and then said, "Yah...but I like it better if the first "A" is dropped." 
Naya. I liked it too. But Naya is a bottled water, so I thought we'd have to also drop the second "a", leaving it spelled as "Nya"...which the site actually listed another version of "Anaya". Hmmm...a name we both liked. I decided we must be having a girl, because we had actually found a name we both liked. 

Then I realized I hadn't scrolled over to see the meaning. I grabbed the mouse again, thinking, "PLEASEpleaseplease don't let it be something stupid, like 'Goddess of Wind' or something else equally embarrassing..."

Anaya.
From ancient Hebrew.
Forms include Naya, and Nya. 
Meaning, "GOD ANSWERED." 

 


Like I said at the top of this post...a year has gone by since we found out we were pregnant. Our Little Doll is 4 months old today, and I'm able to talk about this without bursting into tears...although I still feel as though my heart may just burst out of my chest with joy. 
When we were going through our two years of "dark days", I was incredibly blessed to have close friends walking the same path. Obviously I wish they hadn't been, as no one wants people they love to experience this, but I do believe God placed certain people in my life who could understand and relate. 
Other than a few close friends and family members, this wasn't something we shared with people. I didn't want people to be uncomfortable; I didn't want people to be afraid to invite me to baby showers or announce to me that they were pregnant again. And I really, really, REALLY didn't want people to say any of THESE things to me:

I don't know if these are meant to be funny, but that's how most of them seem to me! You know...not "haha" funny, but funny in a, "Are people really that dumb?" kind of way. Oh, but wait...I know this already! Because here are just a couple little tidbits of wisdom I had thrown my way by people who weren't aware of our struggle to conceive: 

"Have fun on your trip! Hope you didn't forget to pack your pills...no one wants any little accidents happening in Costa Rica!" 

"I don't believe in fertility treatments and all that crap. I think if God wants people to have a baby, they'll just have one...and if they don't, maybe it's because they wouldn't have been very good parents anyway" (It is astounding to me how I managed NOT to high five this person. In the face. With a chair.)

"Ugh...I'm SO stressed. We've been trying to get pregnant. For a MONTH. There's probably something wrong with me."


Somehow though, I still preferred these fantastic comments to the 'pity look'. But mostly, I didn't want to look like a failure. Getting pregnant is supposed to be the most natural thing in the world: all I could think was that I was doing something wrong; that this was somehow my fault. I'm not sure what the stats are in Canada, but I'm sure it's very similar to the States, where infertility effects one in every EIGHT women. It's so incredibly hush-hush, and there is NO reason for that. I'm fine with the fact that we kept our private life private at the time. But now, I'm okay with sharing our story. And it can encourage just one person, then my two hours of writing it and missing Modern Family are completely worth it.


So this is my daughter's name, and the story of how she got her name. I had prayed for an Answer. Every day, every minute...when I thought I was praying for an answer to my frustrations, I was praying for HER. As if I needed more proof that this was God's perfect timing. As if I needed more assurance that this was HIS ANSWER. 


James 1:17 says that "Every good and perfect gift is from above".

He gave me patience, when I felt I would lose my mind with anxiousness.

He have me peace, when I felt like throwing a chair threw the wall.

He gave me faith, when every single fiber of my being wanted to give up and find something easier and more attainable to wish for. 

He gave me a my Answer, and a name, and a daughter.



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When I'm not working, I have lots of time for things like desserts, and dinners...and more desserts. Anything carb-a-licious usually gets an solid "10" from Husband in my post-dinner rating, and I don't think we have yet encountered a dessert we don't love. 

So. 

Last night I stumbled was craving something coconut. I found this recipe on The Food Network, changed up a couple things according to what I did/didn't have in my cupboards, and PRESTO! Yummy Coconut Cupcakes, with Buttercream frosting! Here's my slightly altered, but I'm sure equally tasty, version!


Ingredients
3/4 pound (3 sticks) butter @ room temperature
2 cups granulated sugar
5 large eggs @ room temperature
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 1/2 teaspoons coconut extract (I ran out of almond last week ;) ) 
3 cups flour (I whisk mine before measuring)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt 
1 cup buttermilk (I had no buttermilk, so I mix slightly less than 1 cup low fat milk with 1 TBSP distilled white vinegar. Because I'm THAT much of a risk-taker.)
Sweetened shredded coconut for topping on frosting

Preheat oven to 350 F

With an electric mixer, cream the butter and sugar till COMPLETELY mixed, and nice 'n fluffy. Dip your finger (or a spoon, if you're a more sanitary person than I) and taste, just for fun. YUM. Add the eggs one at a time, mixer on low. Mix in the vanilla and coconut extracts.

In a separate bowl, combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Alternately add the dry ingredients and the milk/vinegar mixture to the batter. Mix until just combined. 

Line 2 muffin pans with paper liners. Fill each liner about 3/4 full (should make 24 cupcakes). Bake for 25 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. Allow to cool in the pan for 15 minutes, and then remove to a baking rack and cool completely.

The Food Network recipe calls for homemade buttercream frosting, and that's great for people who have time to make from-scratch frosting. I'm just proud of my from-scratch CUPCAKES, so I used a store-bought can of Duncan Hines "Cream Homestyle" Buttercream frosting. It's yummy, it's easy, it's full of artificial ingredients...what's not to love? ;) Once cupcakes are completely cooled, spoon on a whole mess of frosting, and then sprinkle on some sweetened shredded coconut. Now EAT THEM ALL!!!

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  What's that up at the top? "Kate Hawkins Photography"? Well, I'm not working, because I have a 3 month old. So here's a post dedicated to that 3-month old. If you don't like talk about babies, or baby poo, or childbirth, or sleepless nights, or other fun things like that....turn back now ;)

  Once upon a time, I pinned (yes, all you non-Pinterest [aka CRAZY] people, "pinned" is now a verb) a link to an article called, "Ten Things No One Told Me (about childbirth). And then 1500 people re-pinned it (yep, "re-pinned" is ALSO now a verb. Don't believe me? Check a dictionary. Ok, that was a bluff...don't check the dictionary), because, basically, I pin the best stuff, and the chick who wrote it (www.pregnantchicken.com) could very well be my new best friend. So I decided to write my own little version:


Things People DO Tell You About Having a Baby...But You Don't Believe.

 
1) Free Time basically ceases to exist.

  Taking a 5 minute bathroom break becomes something akin to "recess". Telling J, "You're in charge; I'm going upstairs to pee" feels like I'm on vacation. Sometimes, I pretend I'm having a loooong bathroom break, when in reality I'm alphabetizing the books on my nightstand, or color-coordinating my closet (again), or re-folding all the socks in my sock drawer, or doing other ridiculously stupid things...not because I have OCD, but because it's really, REALLY nice to not feel "in charge"...even for just 5 minutes :)


2) You Will Never Sleep (or, never sleep THE SAME) Again.
  
    Let it be known, my daughter has been sleeping through the night since she was 7 weeks old. More recently, she's started sleeping ELEVEN hours instead of EIGHT. REGARDLESS...sleep will never be the same. She's a noisy sleeper, and I think I actually end up getting LESS sleep than the parents of a quiet sleeper who wakes up twice a night to feed. Jamie can get called into work, snowmobiles can start right outside my bedroom windows... a bomb could probably go off in my bedroom and I wouldn't wake up: but one little cough or gurgle over the monitor (and there are a LOT from Miss N!) and I'm almost out of bed, as awake as if I'd just downed five or six Redbulls. (Not that I drink Redbull...I DON'T...after all, I'm breastfeeding. I stay away from energy drinks, and all soda, and coffee. Well, let's just say I stay away from 1/3 of the things I just listed...)



3) Cherish Your Showers.
   
     And I don't mean your Baby Showers (although those are lots of fun too). This started immediately after Baby N was born: That first shower, with my semi-reliable Epidural legs, felt so amazing, a feeling that was topped only by the feeling of finally being able to sleep comfortably on my stomach again.
   Sometimes, I just stand in the shower and do nothing. I wish there was a "pre-shampoo" and a "Second Conditioner"...so that I'd have an excuse to shower longer. Sometimes I consider shaving my legs, but that just feels like so much work. Maybe someday, you'll be able to hire people to shave your legs for you.



4) You WILL Figure It Out As You Go.
    
   I SO thought I was going to be a "scheduled" sort of mom. While I was pregnant, I read all the "necessary" books (what pregnant women did before these books were written, I'll never know. HOW did we survive, without the knowledge that sleeping on our backs might cause us to pass out??)
   Someone recently asked me what sleep plan I used to get Nya sleeping so well at night. I responded, "The kind where, when she cries to eat, I feed her. And if she doesn't cry to eat...I don't feed her..." Really, quite complicated ;) I'm learning that my Tiny Human will tell me what she needs. She'll let me know if she's too warm, too tired, too hungry.
   Since having Baby N, I have read zero baby books. She was easy: she put HERSELF on a 3-hour feeding schedule right from Day 1. Now, if she was a baby who's goal in life was to eat every hour, for an hour at a time, it may have been a very different story, and this relaxed, "just go with it" Momma would quickly have discovered the need to implement a feeding schedule, which leads me to #5....
  

5) Every Baby Is Different.
   
    It's so simple, that it had me all confused. But it's true. Baby N is going to act, and react, differently than Babies A, B, and C (see what I did there? So clever...so very clever.) And likewise, every Mommy is different. I have friends who would answer every baby question I threw their way with an opinion, followed by, "But it'll probably be different for you; every baby is different. Do whatever you feel is best." Appreciated...SO very much appreciated! A huge learning curve, for me, has been realizing that there isn't just one "right way". If my baby is healthy, and my baby is happy, than THAT'S the right way.
   Huh. So simple. Who would've thought.



6) Your baby will be a GENIUS. Oh, and a supermodel.
 
    I sincerely thought I would be the first Momma to ever NOT walk around with a pair of Baby-Goggles on (think of Beer-Goggles...only minus the alcohol, and only messing with your vision when looking at your baby). I was mistaken. For instance. If only someone could record us when we see Nya smile, or coo, or pout. Even though we knew those things would happen eventually, it's honestly as if it's some sort of huge shocker to us: "LOOK! Our baby is SMILING!!! She must be the first baby in the history of the world to EVER DO THIS!!!!!" And then, of course, I must announce her most recent achievement on Facebook. You know, because if I don't TELL people, they'll never know that babies can smile ;)
   As far as I'm concerned, our little Nya IS the most gorgeous baby ever to be born. and she IS brilliant. If you ask me, the only reason she's not rolling over yet, is because she's smart enough to know she wouldn't be as comfortable on her tummy, anyway (see? BRILLIANT, I tell you).



7) Being a Momma is really, really, RIDICULOUSLY fun.
  
    Ok, so I didn't really "not believe" this one, but I guess I didn't realize just HOW much fun it would actually be. Like, on a scale of 1 to AWESOME, I thought it would rate about a 7 or 8, and that those missing points would be made up by other great things...like love for the baby, and such ;)
   I am CONSTANTLY amazed at how much fun I have with that Tiny Human. It's fun to try new outfits on her. It's fun to nurse her, while she makes little faces at me, and tries (and fails) to eat and smile at the same time. It's fun to take her picture (as evidenced by my enormous and, I'm sure, slightly annoying photo albums on Facebook). It's fun to show her off to people. and as much as I always want to stay in bed just FIVE MORE MINUTES in the mornings, it's SO much fun to go into her room, and see her smiley little face grinning up at me. That just lights up my heart.


  From what I can figure out, no matter when people tell you beforehand, I don't think anyone is really "ready"...especially for the less fun stuff. Because let's be honest here: no one WANTS the less fun stuff. If we could take a poll, I'm sure every single person would rather sleep through the night, every night...and eat supper while it's still warm...and never EVER touch a slimy, sticky, yellow and green poo diaper. I'm sure every Momma (like me) would love to have 10 minutes to herself during the day to do something other than fold laundry or empty the dishwasher. And I'm quite sure no sane woman actually looks forward to pushing a whole PERSON out her lady business. So the best I can figure, is that a baby is kind of like a new coffee maker. But a really nice, top of the line one...like an expensive expresso-maker. It's a novelty; something new we can show of to our friends. The only difference is that by the time the new-appliance smell has worn off your Baby, and the actual reality of the next few years of sleepless, cold-supper, poo-filled days and nights sets in...it's far too late. You're already completely, irreversibly, HOPELESSLY in love.


      Baby N: 3 months old!
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2011 deserves an extra 10 favourite photos, right? I thought so :) For my annual compilation of most-loved shots, I tried my very best to get it down to 20, like last year...and I obviously failed miserably. As per normal, my 2011 "year" apparently runs from February-February, so there may be a couple 2012 photos on the list! 

I would try and blame my lateness for this post on my newborn (and very time-consuming) baby, but to be fair, I don't think I blogged last year's Top 20 until at LEAST mid-February! MANY thank you's to all my beautiful, smiley clients...these shots would be way less awesome if you weren't in 'em! :) 




#30   The beautiful Miss K! Cuteness exemplified by the fact that she calls my baby girl, "Baby La-La" :) 



#29  Early 2011 maternity shoot in the snow! I never wanted to be pregnant so badly!!! ;)



#28  Having Nephew #2 on this list doesn't mean I'm bias...it just means he's THAT cute!



#27  STUNNING little ladies! I want to have three girls...



#26  Annnnnnd I want my three girls (that I hope to have!) to be very best friends :)



#25  My lovely friend Stephanie, preggola with Baby Boy #2 (now better known as Jack!)



#24  Such a beauty! I love how kiddos start out their photo shoots a bit shy, but by your last few frames you're the best of friends ;)




#23   What a sweet, sleepy boy! Would love to see him again to see (in real life, not just on Facebook!) how much he's grown!




#22  Just gorgeous, gorgeous, GORGEOUS.



#21   Baby O (or technically, Baby A...), you are too sweet for words, and one of the happiest babies I have EVER met!



#20   Beautiful family, inside and out! 




#19   One of my favorite newborn shots, to date! Perfect skin, perfect features, perfect everything!



#18   Cowboy boots + white dress...PERFECT outfit to try out my new Barnwood flooring!



#17  Just your average, insanely gorgeous family. No big deal. (Umm...is there ANYTHING cuter than a little boy patting his Mama on her head?!)




#16  The lighting wasn't the best, and the focus is a smidgen off, BUT this is my niece, and I could just chew her cheeks off :)




#15 Absolutely stunning Sarah, ready to welcome Baby #2 into the world! (And what a very very cute Baby #2 she turned out to be!!!)



#14   Um, Hello?! Look how I prop my fist up under my chin!! Aren't I just so dainty and sweet!!? 



#13   BEST. EXPRESSION. EVER!!!! (Where I live...it snows in October. And September. And probably August...) 



#12   This will be a favourite forEVER! I LOVE love! 




#11  Love the lighting here. SO much to be said for the "golden hour"! 




#10  One of my favourite preggo bellies ever. 




#9  Beauties! Could easily do a "Top 20" from this anniversary shoot alone! 



#8  A family shoot quickly turned into a maternity shoot when Little Miss H got too cold! The baby in that belly is only 1 week younger than my Little Doll, and someday we're going to force them to be friends!!




#7  One of my most-loved shots from one of my most-loved shoots on Bell Island! Such a beautiful couple....I hope to someday visit my "old home", and get to meet your sweet baby boy!
#6  Saturday, we had a beautiful session in downtown Fredericton. Three days later, my lovely friend found out she was going to be a Momma!!!! (Tears...sniff-sniff...) So honoured that I got to take your first "family pictures" :) 



#5   All I want in life is for my daughter to pose for the camera as naturally as this little Doll!




#4  Sweet Baby W, I'm so very happy that you're here, and that I got to meet you :)




#3  Again I say, I LOVE love!




#2  Ok, my friend, you are a STUNNER (I'm sure you've NEVER heard that before!), and Baby LQ is going to be just as gorgeous as her Mama! 




#1   See what I did there? On my watermark? Ha....

       Ok FINE, I obviously didn't take this. If I HAD, I'd be a VERY talented girl (pushing out a baby AND photographing the birth...BAM)! This is the work of my very talented, very on-the-ball husband, to whom I am forever grateful for capturing the very best moment of my life. 
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In hopes of never forgetting a single detail of my Little Doll's birth day, I've decided to write it all down, and share it on here, so that when people ask how everything went, I can just direct them to my blog and get back to more important things, like eating the bajillion goodies my dear friend Charlene left for me in my freezer :) So here goes!

  Because of the lack of hospital facilities (and Doctors...) where we live, J and I headed to PEI on December 24th, where we would stay until Baby N was born (and then for a while afterwards as well). I had been dilated a little over 1 cm for about a week, and on Monday morning (January 2nd), I woke up around 5am to discover something that felt strangely similar to peeing the bed! We woke up my mom, and decided to head to Summerside hospital right away, as it's about an hour from my parent's house. 
   FYI...it's very difficult to decide what to wear to the hospital when your waters are continually breaking. I think I changed my pants 3 times before realizing that everything I put on was going to get soaked, and I finally just decided on black pants because at it's harder to see when they're wet!!!!
    
Now. Before continuing, let me tell ya'll a little something about Summerside hospital. It is AMAZING. Maternity has private rooms only, and your room is your room for EVERYTHING (labour, delivery, recovery). AND. they are GINORMOUS! (I'm unsure as to how we failed to get a nice wide angle shot of our room...after all, we spent a total of about 4 days in there! I guess we were a little preoccupied with taking pictures of something...or someONE, else. Seriously though...the size and awesomeness of the rooms almost makes up for the fact that there is only one anesthesiologist who does epidurals, and he's typically not available!)

   So we got to the hospital at about 7am, went through assessment (where they told me that yes, my membranes had in fact ruptured, and no, I hadn't just peed myself...) and got put into our (ginormous) room that would be our home for the next few days. At this point I was still not having any "real" contractions...just very mild, irregular ones that were really nothing more than cramping. So for the next 8 hours, I bounced on a yoga ball, read magazines, made friends with the nurses (they had the pain meds. I wanted them to like me.), and walked the halls with my mom. Now, if you know my mom, you know that she does not saunter. She speed-walks EVERYWHERE. We had the nurses laughing, because they said they'd never seen a pregnant woman walk so fast (what can I say...I wanted that baby out!) By 3:30pm, I still hadn't started contracting regularly (or painfully), so we decided to let them start pitocin to get my contractions going, because it had been so long since my water broke. They hooked me up to "The Drug Machine", and as luck would have it, before the pitocin even kicked in I started having contractions on my own. They were still very mild, so my doctor recommended that if I wanted the epidural, I should get it right then instead of waiting, and I decided that sounded like an excellent idea (I repeat, there are NO TROPHIES for handed out for doing childbirth naturally!). Now. I have friends who have opted against an epidural because they hate needles...and I'm not a big fan of them either...so believe me when I say that the epidural hurt less than when the put in my IV.
The epidural worked right away...but only on my right side. They say that sometimes the position of the baby can effect how the epidural spreads, and I guess that may have been the case with me. So from about 4:30 or 5:00pm till probably 6:00pm, I was having very strong contractions, feeling everything on my left side but nothing on my right. They were also only about 90 seconds apart. They had just checked me for dilation and while I was completely effaced, I was only 3 cm. 



      So. Thinking that I was only at 3cm and had many hours of contractions ahead of me...very very PAINFUL contractions...made me feel pretty scared. Oh, and also, once you have an epidural, if it doesn't "take"? You can't have any other drugs (a little detail no one mentioned to me beforehand)! Thankfully, the epidural started to spread soon after that, making me feel less and less pain with each one, and by around 6:30pm I couldn't feel anything or either side (siiiiigh....so happy!). There I was, ready to relax for the next few hours in my completely "epiduralled" state of being, when my doctor came back in, checked me, and announced that I was 10cm and ready to push. 

    Wait....what??! (I'm glad J didn't take a picture at THAT moment, because my jaw was probably hanging open!) 

  Reason #625 that Epidurals are awesome? You can push, and feel NO pain! I could still semi-walk, wiggle my toes, and lift my legs. I could feel when I was having a contraction and needed to push, but had no pain at all. A-MAZE-ZA-ZING!!! 

I pushed for just under 30 minutes...and at 7:20pm my whole world got a whole lot brighter.
6 lbs. 15.5 ounces of cuteness :)
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Finally... 02/01/2012
 
At long last...Baby N's room is finished (seems appropriate, because she IS turning 1-month-old tomorrow!) 
And with her finished room comes my innate desire to brag about how thrifty I am: 

 I found a beautiful ruffle crib-skirt in an online boutique, for (get ready)....over THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS. Seriously??? So I made friends with Etsy, and found a lady to make me the same skirt in white...for only $50. BAM. 
 I also had the pom-poms and rustic "N" made by people/companies I found through Etsy (hey...it's not like I can just run out to the mall when I need to buy things!)

 The shelf, reclaimed barnwood frames, and blue footstool (if that's even what it is??) were "shopped" from other rooms in my house, and I got her change table and armoire for at a 40% discount! Yeesh...with all this money saved, I could TOTALLY have bought the $1100.00 crib I loved from Restoration hardware! :)
The only thing I'm waiting on now are the 3 grey and white fabric chevron baskets for the cubbies in her change table! And then it will be COMPLETE! (Oh, and maybe I should get curtains.....)  :)
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Prepare yourself...here comes a post with no pictures! READY SET GO!!!

I've been home in NB and PEI since November 18th, and I'm still answering  questions about how this came to be, soooo here's the deal:

There are no doctors in the community where I live. There IS a robot doctor (seriously. Google it.) but that's of no help if someone decides to go into preterm labor...because the robot doctor has no hands with which to deliver a baby. Or at least, that's what I feel the biggest issue would be :) So the nurses in Nain (who, coincidentally, I'm quite confident could do everything from a triple-bypass to building a ship made of matchsticks) decided I should fly out to the nearest hospital, in Goose Bay, just for some checkups. Believing that I was going to be gone for 24-48 hours, I packed a bag holding enough clothes for about 3 days.

Silly me.

After a full five days of appointments in Goose Bay, my (very awesome) doctor recommended I NOT go back to Nain, but that she'd like to see me head right to NB/PEI (you know...places with hospitals!) So about 30 minutes after leaving her office, I was at the airport purchasing a last minute plane ticket to Fredericton (that cost more, I'm sure, than an all-inclusive week in the Caribbean) and saying bye to Hubs, and crying over the fact that I was I was heading home without my camera gear (the lack of clothes, for some reason, didn't bother me as much!)

And somehow, through all this, the thing I was MOST upset about was that my weekly striped dress picture mural was now being ruined, as I was going to be in the Maritimes for 4 weeks with no camera gear, and no striped dress. A little sad, after how much work I had put into it (and by, "work", I'm of course referring to the fact that exactly once a week I would put blow-dry my hair, put on makeup, and temporarily change into something other than sweatpants...).

Good things about being home? Being near my family (including my brand-new niece!) having a hospital within driving (not flying) distance, and being able to drive in a car again. Wandering the produce aisles at Superstore is also proving to be a favorite pastime...and I'm having a hard time not buying all the cheese and orange juice, because a) They're not past their expiration dates, and b) They now seems so cheaply priced!!
  So all in all being here is very nice, and calming. I have an appointment in Summerside today where I'll meet yet ANOTHER new doctor (it absolutely blows my mind that some women get to go from positive pregnancy test, to birth, all with the same doctor!!) who hopefully will be the last new one I have to meet before this little Bambino arrives!

5 weeks to go....everyone cross your fingers and toes that Baby Girl N stays put until her Daddy arrives from NFLD :)


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"S" Family 11/04/2011
 
This face...there are just NO WORDS for the cuteness. An all time favourite shot!!!
What would an October session be if it didn't start randomly snowing for 2.5 minutes right in the middle of it?? ps...is this not the BEST reaction to snow EVER??
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"J" Family 11/04/2011
 
Again with the over-blogging. But SERIOUSLY, when a face this precious just wants to be RIGHT in front of my lens (the one on the far left, as you'll see in the upcoming photos!), there's not much I can do to help it!! :) 
In L.O.V.E with this b&w. It's going on my list of "favourite kiddo photos EVER" !!!
A definite favourite from this session!
I love collecting photos where I can see "Tiny Photographer Kate" in the catchlight in my subject's eyes!!!
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A few more fall family shoots filled with lots of smiles and gorgeousness! 
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